The closeness curve

How close you are to
your sibling across your lifetime.

Based on the research of Victor Cicirelli, PhD.
Purdue University.

Why the dip?

Between 23 and 31, the two of you
are building your own lives.

You don't drift on purpose.

You're just building your life.

And so are they.

Eventually, you both end up with a

“Frozen Image.”

Without you realizing.

The version of your sibling
in your head stops updating.

How their day actually looks.

What matters most to them right now.

How they've changed in the last year.

The longer this dip lasts, the more
outdated that version gets.

Does it even matter?

In day to day life,
it probably doesn't matter.

But you will almost inevitably
face high-stakes moments together.
From family emergencies to loss.

In those moments,
not actually knowing
how your sibling thinks
and who they've become
can turn one difficult conversation
into years of silence.

On the bright side.

Staying on the same page
takes a lot less than you think.

Your best memories with your sibling
don't all have to be
from when you were kids.

Plan a trip together.

Keep a childhood tradition alive.

Make new memories together.

And while that's not always possible,

maybe have an occasional catch-up
where you consciously talk about
how your lives are changing.

We made a game for sibling catch-ups.

For siblings who don't share
the same house anymore.

Round 4
Us, This Year
One of you is Player A.
The other is Player B.
Player A
For Siblings
Mini Game
Conversations about how
you're both doing these days.
10-15 mins
Round 1
Player A asks. Player B answers.
This or that:
Nowadays, how do you prefer to relax? Going out or staying in?
These days, do you wake up excited or exhausted?
This year, did we grow closer, or drift a little?
Tell me:
In the last year, what changed the most in your life?
If you had to plan one weekend with me, what would we do?
From 1 to 10, how much did you tell me about your life in the last year?
Now swap

A 15-minute conversation game to go past the usual catch-up.

Check it out on our page @seesaw.social

Books that shaped this post.

Books that shaped this post.

The Sibling Effect by Jeffrey Kluger

How siblings shape who you become.

Sibling Therapy by Karen Gail Lewis

The research behind frozen images.

Fault Lines by Karl Pillemer

When family relationships fracture and how people find their way back.

Adult Sibling Relationships by Geoffrey Greif and Michael Woolley

What sibling bonds look like after 40. Based on 260+ interviews.

Keep going

Still think you know me? — a conversation game for siblings

Still think you know me?

A conversation game to have with your sibling, beyond the usual catch-ups. Play it on the couch together or over a call if you're apart.

GAME · 10-15 MINS

 The longest relationship — a short read on sibling closeness

The longest relationship

Most relationship advice skips siblings entirely. So we looked at how the longest relationship of your life changes across a lifetime.

READING · 3 MIN READ

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